This is interesting…

Hands down, the top search terms that bring people to this blog over the last month have had something to do with cougars.  They are directed toward my explanation of how I ended up experimenting on the cougarlife.com website.  Hopefully they stay a while and are interested in what else the blog has to say. 

Of course there are no stats that tell whether the blog was helpful or not, but one deduction we can make is that people are intrigued by the idea of cougars.  The dating site that brings cougars together with young men seems to have piqued the interest of many.  Enough so that I’m motivated to continue investigating this phenomenon on my own.  (Of course I don’t do this because it’s fun, it is simply a public service to you folks.  You’re welcome.) 

The website is fun for when you’re winding down for the night.  Not quite ready to fall asleep, but not wanting to get into anything that requires the commitment of an attention span or anything.  Saturday night the website appears to be down, so I went to google to look it up and stumbled across another site promising the same service as cougarlife.  I won’t offer the name, nor will I sign up for a profile Although a good friend recommended I should post a profile with the same text, but a frumpy pic of myself – just to see the difference in reactions.

I find her idea intriguing, but it seems dishonest or unfair.  I don’t want to try and trick people.  Also, I’m a bit overwhelmed by some of the activity that goes on in the cougarlife world alone.  I don’t think I’m up for juggling two cougar sites.  I did, however, try to do something I can’t do on cougarlife – I tried to check out the cougars. 

Since I’m signed up on the cougarlife website, I have no access to any of the female photos or profiles.  I don’t know anything about the other women on there other than what I can persuade the cubs to tell me.  On the other site, I tried to do a search as if I were a young man looking for a cougar.  The criteria:  “I am a cub, looking for a cougar, age range of 30 to 60, in Washington DC”  The next page confirms, “Your search turned up over 754 cougar singles in your area!”  (Then it asks me to sign up, which I do not do.)

Then, just to get an idea of how these things work, I turn the tables and change the search criteria.  I am now me, and I’m looking for cubs.  “I am a cougar, looking for a cub, age range of 18 to 40, in Washington DC”  The next page confirms, “Your search turned up over 11351 cougar singles in your area.” 

Now wait a minute.  This bears repeating.  A search of women between the ages of 30 to 60 nets 754 cougars.  That’s less than a thousand women within the entire thirty-year age range.  A search of men between the ages of 18 and 40 nets 11,351.  Is there an extra number in there somewhere?  Over ten thousand cubs for 754 cougars?  That means over 15 cubs for every cougar.  Surely that can’t be right.  It’s either incorrect or it’s utopia.  It’s raining men, ladies!  Hallelujah it’s raining men! 

I truly do not think that there are over eleven thousand guys between the ages of 18 and 40 in the DC area that have their profile up on this “other” cougar site.  It can’t be that much of a sausage-fest on these sites, can it? 

But maybe it can… I’ve talked to a few guys on cougarlife who have said they probably won’t renew their membership because there just haven’t been that many women who they’ve been interested in meeting.  I had one of them tweak the search criteria to see how many women between the ages of 30 and 39 are in the area and he said it came up with only 27 matches.  That’s not much to choose from.  In fact, you could probably go to a bar and check out 27 available women.  Of course, this also assumes that the guys I’m asking questions to are being honest with me about their experiences.  This is an online dating site, after all.  

It’s not exactly a scientific experiment, but I’d say that there are far more young men looking to be hunted by cougars than there are women who are actually hunting them.  This is good news to me, I am not a very aggressive hunter.  I’m much happier to have someone drag my meal home and feed it to me than I am a huntress going out to kill my prey and drag it home by the scruff of his neck.  I’m starting to think this may be the biggest myth of cougardom.  The cougar may be an insatiable temptress, but she doesn’t have to work very hard with all of these sacrificial cubs around.  God bless all eleven thousand of them!

Sorry I accidentally slept with you…

It was another boring day at work until I stepped into the breakroom and walked in on a conversation between two male coworkers.  John – who is a bit shy, super nice guy, but almost hard to talk to because he is so reserved. And Eric – who is none of those things.  Eric is a lot of fun to work with, rarely takes anything seriously, and is not reserved about anything.  So when I walk in the room, Eric says, “Hey!  We have a hypothetical question!  If a guy goes out with a girl and they sleep together, but he’s not interested in her, what should he do?”  I look over at John and he’s blushing furiously and seems really embarrassed, but also is looking intently to hear my advice.  He’s apparently been fretting about this all day. 

I know I’m going to take a lot of crap for this, but I say – don’t call her back.  Eric laughed, he told him the same thing.  But John wasn’t comfortable with it.  He said, “I feel so bad.  I shouldn’t have done it, but I don’t want to be a jerk!”  I hated to be the bearer of bad news, but I had to be the one to tell him.  “You’re already a dick, dude.  If you slept with a girl who is interested in you, and you don’t want to be involved with her in any way, it’s a little late to decide not to be a jerk.  You don’t become a jerk by how you proceed, you already did the deed.  Own it.  What else are you going to do?  Pretend you’re interested?  Lead her on?  Maybe it’ll make you feel better about it, but you’re just making it worse for her.” 

Maybe Eric and I are jerks too, but we say don’t call her back.  Sure, if she calls and demands an explanation, then you should level with her.  But maybe she’s not that into you either.  Maybe she’s having the same conversation with her friends and is trying to figure out how to get herself out of the awkward situation of having slept with John.  It happens. 

But even if she’s not full of regret and is truly hoping there is a relationship there, I have never known any woman who was comforted by the “I’m not interested in you” conversation.  Women always say that’s what they want, but frankly I don’t see the point.  Every female friend I have ever known who has had a guy tell her he wasn’t interested, was not any less crushed to hear it firsthand.  Personally, I think it’s worse than not being called back.  If a guy doesn’t call you back, you move on and forget about his sorry ass.  But if he does call you back, only to tell you that he’s not attracted to you and he’s going to take a pass on any sort of relationship with you… then you’re dealing with rejection and criticism.  And it’s never constructive criticism.  I mean sure, if you’re going to call someone and say, “You’re a nice person, but you really need to trim your nosehair or no one will ever love you” then maybe that’s something she needs to hear.  But usually when someone isn’t interested – guys or girls – it’s because they’re just not attracted.  Or maybe they are interested in someone else.  But the chances of someone calling and being honest with you about why they’re not interested is pretty slim.  They will say they are busy, or they don’t want a relationship right now, or something that makes them feel like less of a jerk.  That’s the conversation that John was searching for.  But I guarantee, if John does call her back, he’s not going to level with her and say, “I have lost respect for you because you slept with me.  Not to mention you are a bit overweight for my taste and also kind of annoying.”  That would be pretty harsh, so the other alternative is to call back and lie or sugar-coat the truth, or just not call her back. 

Ladies and gents, if the object of your affection does not call you back, turn your affections elsewhere.  Move on, enjoy life.  Don’t worry about finding someone and get to know yourself a little better.  I know that my “don’t call back” advice infuriates those people who have spent endless hours waiting by the phone, but consider that it may just be the kinder, gentler alternative to the truth.  If it is someone you are interested in but haven’t invested much time in, don’t invest yourself by getting wound up waiting for the phone call.  Occupy yourself with something else, don’t get wound up over one person, and keep your nosehair trim.  Life is too short to be waiting by the phone.  And to the Johns of the world - make an effort to not be a jerk before you act like one.  It makes it so much easier on all involved!

Valentine’s Day

Valentines Day is like so many other things in life – religion, politics, media… the people on the extremes always influence the mainstream and set the tone.  And not for the better.

A scroll through my Facebook news feed shows the same dynamic I see every year on Valentine’s Day.  A small percentage of the people post pictures of the flowers they received and gush about how they have the best significant-other to ever walk the earth.  Another small percentage posts passive-aggressive messages asserting that they’ve never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, or else they’re complaining about having to look at all the flowers from the first group of people.  My favorite status update in the Facebook world was my friend Wendy: Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!!! I hope you all have someone to put your arms around and tell them that you love them. I know I do!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I say that Wendy’s message was my favorite, I mean that it was the one that I found most ridiculous and laughable.  If you had ever met any of Wendy’s boyfriends or her ex-husband, you’d understand the depth of absurdity.  The guys Wendy dates can’t even be considered “settling” it’s more like “stooping.”  Or simply digging a hole and marrying the first thing that hits your shovel.  Her last boyfriend was unemployed and living with her on her salary alone.  Anytime she talked about breaking it off, he would threaten to kill himself.  She’s a great girl, but she was in this trainwreck of a relationship for years.  Even with a great deal of support from family and friends, it took her a very long time to break away from that relationship.  (And he did not die, he quickly moved in with someone else.)  Then she moved on to someone new with the same old issues.  She definitely seems to have a type: Attainable.

Wendy’s “I hope you have someone” message is an example of why Valentine’s Day gets such a bad rep.  It’s no better or worse than any other commercial holiday – but some people get carried away with trying to convince the rest of the world that their V-Day is so much better than everyone else’s; which leads many singles to get depressed and feel that theirs is so much worse (the “I’ve never had a boyfriend” message.) 

The truth is, most of us are in the middle.  Valentine’s Day is like any other day.  It is what you make of it.  Some of the best Valentine’s Days I’ve ever had were when I was single and doing some serious flirting.  One year I had flowers, candy and cards coming in from all over the place.  Single people need to stop letting the lovebirds façade get them down.  Valentines Day is better for singles – we can double dip!!  It’s a beautiful thing, people!!

If you’re a guy in a relationship and Valentine’s Day is coming up, you know that you’re going to be expected to do something for her.  If you’re a girl in a relationship, you probably start dropping hints in advance and know what to expect.  But if you’re single – the only pressure you have is the pressure you put on yourself.  Sure, if you’re in a public place on Valentine’s, you may have to put up with more PDAs than usual.  But if you don’t have “a valentine” you should use the same method that has worked since back in grade school.  You make a pretty box and let everyone know it’s available.  Then try to get as many people as possible to hand you a special valentine.  Believe me, it works.  But the first thing you have to do if you’re single is shake that feeling that everyone has something you don’t have.  Trust me, some of them are just flaunting something they don’t even have. 

I’ll remind you again next January, singles.  If you really want in on the Valentine’s Day hype, just start to network early.  You can have more than one valentine.  But can only get away with it if you’re single.

Real Life Cougar

In recent weeks, I have shared my experience with the website cougarlife.com and promised to keep you informed on all the juicy details of my cougarlife adventures.  This week was definitely full of adventures, but they did not come from cougarlife, they came from real life.  I have yet to meet anyone face-to-face from the website, but Tuesday night I went full cougar the old-fashioned way. 

[spoiler alert!] I ended up hooking up with a guy fourteen years younger than me.  I have given a lot of consideration as to whether I should mention my experience in the blog or not.  One reason for my hesitation is because it happened so recently, I’m still basking in the afterglow of an awesome fling.  So, it’s not my intention to babble on senselessly about how awesome it was, but it’s still kind of hard not to.  It’s also entirely possible that once I start to recount the experience, it may begin to read like a Penthouse Forum letter.  I also hesitate a bit, just because it’s such a personal experience.  I try not to write detailed accounts of personal, intimate encounters and tend to stick with things that are common, general, and relevant to being single.  But I can’t deny that this experience demonstrates a big part of why I began writing this blog in the first place.  I think it’s a good illustration of a lot of what I write about, so for pingback purposes, here’s the scoop…

If you were in Washington, DC on Tuesday night, you are qualified to wear a t-shirt that says, “I survived the blizzard of 2010.”  The snow fell all night long and those of us whose work schedules are determined by the federal government knew that another day off was coming.  Both are good reasons to celebrate. 

And celebrate we did!  I got together with an old friend who was in DC on business and staying at a hotel in Dupont Circle.  Together with another friend, the three of us braved the elements by walking one block from the hotel to a popular Dupont Circle bar.  I must warn you that the more I drink, the more unreliable (and often nonexistent) my memory becomes.  So I’ll skip over most of the details from the bar, other than to say that we saw a group of young guys walk in and somehow my girlfriend ended up arguing with most of them for unknown reasons.  While they made a spectacle of themselves, I laughed at them with a young hottie who was part of their group.  As it turned out, the guys were at the same hotel for the same conference as my friend.  We were snowed-in and staying at the hotel anyway, so I decided to let my friends go on with the original plan and I went up to stay in the room with the hottie. 

At this point, I feel I should explain why this is relevant and not just me bragging about a conquest (okay, maybe it’s a little of the latter.  Did I mention how hot he was?  Damn!)  One of the arguments I often hear about why people don’t want to be single is, “but I really like to have sex!”  This is obviously preposterous, we all know that married people don’t get laid.  But it’s still something that I get called on a lot when I talk about how great it is to be single.  For me, sex is the biggest challenge of being single.  I’m really not that comfortable with one-night stands, and it’s very difficult to find the right chemistry for a “friends with benefits” arrangement.  So, it can be tricky to stay single and unattached and still be sexual.  Tuesday night, I needed a slumpbuster – plain and simple. 

I will remind you again that I don’t want this to turn into Penthouse Forum (sorry, folks!  There’s plenty of that on the internet already.)  So skipping ahead to Wednesday morning: - he had to leave to attend his conference.  Before he left, I told him my age.  I don’t think words can describe his awestruck reaction when I told him.  His entire face lit up and he sounded ridiculously excited as he tried to explain how awesome it was that I’m so much older than him, and relayed conversations he’s had with friends about how much they would love to find a hot cougar.  He had assumed I was in my early to mid-twenties, and was clearly thrilled to find out post-coitus that he’d just lived out a fantasy.  His wasn’t leaving DC until Thursday, so we talked about getting together again after his banquet that evening.  As soon as I walked out of the hotel and the wind served me a faceful of snow, I knew that it wasn’t going to happen.  I wasn’t going to go back out in that weather again, cab drivers wouldn’t be out in it, and my new 22-year-old friend knew nothing about Metro.  It did not look good.

When he finally finished up Wednesday night and called me, it was after 10:00.  He was going out for a couple drinks with some of the higher-ups and said he’d grab a cab to my place afterward.  I agreed, knowing full well there was no way he was going to get a cab at any hour that night.  I began to practice my sultry response for the inevitable phone call when he tells me he can’t make it over.  He called again after 1:00 a.m. to apologize for being so late and asked if I still wanted him to come.  “Sure, hop in a cab.” [I hang up] “sucker!”  for the next 40 minutes I rehearsed the words, “What?  No cab?  How will you ever make this up to me?” When the phone rang again, it was him.  I picked up the phone, ready to perform my sexy mock indignation.

Before he even spoke, I could hear his teeth chattering.  In a voice that sounded like hypothermia, he told me the name of the street he was on and said, “All I have is a bus map.  Am I near your place or have I already passed it?”  At this point, I’m confused.  I assume he must have found a cab, but can’t understand why he needs a map.  Wait.  Is he walking?  I do a quick scan to assess the situation.

Clock =  2:00 a.m.

Outside my window = blizzard

Distance from Dupont Circle to my apartment = 1.9 miles

Voice on phone = “I couldn’t get a cab and I’m headstrong and stubborn so I just decided to walk.  It wasn’t that bad, but I have to hang up now because I don’t have gloves and my hands are cold.” 

I picked my jaw off the ground, threw my shoes on, bundled up and went out to meet him in the parking lot and ask him an important question:  “Are you crazy?”  He says, “Naw, it wasn’t that bad.”  I took him inside and did my best to warm him up the rest of the night… and most of the morning, for that matter. 

If there are any older guys reading this, I have to ask – does this bring back memories of what it was like to be 22 years old?  The guy walked nearly two miles in post-blizzard DC at 2 o’clock in the morning.  Do you know what I want badly enough to walk two miles in the snow for?  Not a damn thing.  There is exactly nothing I would walk that far, that late, and brave that cold and wind for.  But thank heaven for 22 year old guys!!  Bless his determined little heart.

That happened on Wednesday night, about 24 hours after we got together for what I expected to be a brief, utilitarian, not terribly romantic fling - that turned out to be surprisingly fantastic.  We spent the whole night talking… and some other things… and talking some more.  I can’t even explain how exciting the whole thing was.  Meeting, getting together and having a fantastic experience, followed by his tenacious frozen trip to my apartment the next night.  I wish I could explain how incredibly comfortable, open, uncomplicated, and intensely passionate we were together.  We both remarked on how crazy it was, and how open and uninhibited we were with each other.  We checked the status of his Thursday afternoon flight, both hoping it would be canceled.  It was still scheduled on time, but the airline was allowing passengers to reschedule without penalty due to the weather.  The next morning he changed his flight to depart Friday afternoon, effectively extended our fling another 24 hours, checked out of his hotel and brought his sexy 22 year old ass over to my place for the most incredible snow day ever.

And now the sun is out, the snow is melting, he is 1,000 miles away at his home and I continue to fondly reflect upon those 2-1/2 days during the blizzard of 2010.  I realize that this experience is not what everyone is looking for, but it could not have been more perfect for me.  From the time we met, there was instantly an attraction, along with the understanding that he was leaving for home soon and all we could do was to live for the moment and throw caution to the wind.  It made it so much more perfect that we were snowed in.  Maybe it added to the fantasy.  We never tried to kid ourselves, we knew it was a fantasy and we made it up as we went along. 

I feel like I crammed an entire love affair into 2-1/2 days.  We both really appreciated each other and the chemistry between us.  At one point, he said, “We fuck like we’re in love.”  (and backtracked…) “I’m not saying we are.  I’m just saying – it feels that way somehow.”  I suspect he said this partially to mess with me and see my reaction.  But he’s right.  It did.  I was sleep-deprived when he left because we had stayed up every night talking and laughing and fooling around.  Doing everything but sleeping.  It was very much like that first high school fling – when you get lost in one another and start to wonder if it’s true love.

But, just as it was never really true love in high school, it was not true love between us either.  The beauty of it was that we both knew that, yet we were still able to feel that reckless abandon that people begin to feel incapable of after having their heart broken a time or two.  Because we both understood the situation - that we live over 1,000 miles away from one another and lead very busy lives - we knew it was not going to last forever, so we never slowed down long enough to feel the apprehension that comes with being intimate with someone for the first time.  It just worked. 

I love being single, but I also appreciate intimacy and passion.  I just happen to think they are difficult to maintain and I’m so happy with my life that it’s not worth it to pursue those feelings when there are strings attached.  But oh how I love being able to experience it all in small doses and appreciate it for what it is instead of trying to make that incredible moment last forever.  I don’t know if the intensity I felt over the last few days was because of our age difference, or just a good mix of personality and opportunity.  There are likely a number of contributing factors, but I think that may just be the kind of magic that results when an older woman who knows what she wants meets a young, ambitious, energetic young man who is willing to risk frostbite to oblige.

Cougar training

It has been exactly one week since I signed up to be a cougar.  I mentioned last week that I put up my profile on an online site for older women to meet younger men and I promised you details.  This website is so rich with potential, I don’t even know where to start.  Many of my observations are not unique to this site, but observations about online dating in general.  I will save those for later and get to the stuff you really want to hear about.  (Getting right down to business = classic cougar move!) 

For starters:  The way the site works.  You can sign up for a free profile but you can’t correspond freely unless you pay the $30 to $40 monthly fee.  So, if a non-paying member contacts me, I can not read it.  When I try to open the message, I’ll get an “Upgrade now” link that takes to me somewhere I can add my credit card number.  I am not tempted by paid membership benefits because I don’t think I’m going to get my full $40 worth for the following benefits: Unlimited messaging, 100 credits to use for sending gifts, Listed at top of search results, premium member badge for your profile, appear highlighted in search results, and (my favorites!) 6 hour exclusive access to new boy toys and recommended to new boy toys.  This explains why I was only getting messages from members in the beginning.  They must have had 6 hour exclusive access to me too. 

Since I haven’t paid any membership fees and I am still considered a “guest” member on the site, I can’t correspond with other guests, but the guys (actually, they are called ”cubs”) who have paid memberships can communicate with anyone.  So if they send me a message, I can answer.  I think this is a really nice feature because I still have been able to talk back and forth with anyone who has a paid membership.  It’s easy to tell who I can talk to when I go into my inbox.  I just skip through the messages and look for the pawprint icon next to their name so I’ll know it’s a message I can actually read.  I have been completely ignoring everyone else, so if anyone is thinking about getting a membership on this particular site, it’s definitely going to put you at the front of the list if you want to have free rein throughout cougardom.  I rarely even look at the profiles of non-members because I know I can’t correspond with them anyway. 

Now that you know the circumstances under which I’ve conducted my extensive research.  Here are my observations on cougarlife.com. 

I have to begin by saying - I don’t think the site delivers what it promises.  This is not a complaint, because I like what it has to offer and I still think it’s a lot of fun, but they promote it as a matchup between attractive young men and attractive older women.  I haven’t seen a lot of this.  To be fair, that could be because the young cubs aren’t shelling out the cash to become paying members so they’re flying under my radar.  But the guys I have talked to are generally not that young and from what they’ve told me, they haven’t exactly had Cameron Diaz knocking down their door either. 

While I haven’t found everything the website promised me, I am pretty pleased with what I have found.  And more than a little surprised.  I would estimate the average age of the guys who have contacted me to be around 28.  I’ve had a couple real young ones, and some that were 40+ but for the most part, the mean and median has been around 28.  I think dating a 28-year-old would not be classified as cougar territory, but I get the impression from the guys I’ve talked to that they don’t necessarily have a thing for older women, they just want to meet women they can have a conversation with.  Almost none of the guys (sorry, I mean cubs!) I have spoken with live in the DC Metro area.  They have been from New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island.  Even Ontario!  Technically, that could mean this cougar is going international! 

What seems to be happening most of the time is not a Demi/Ashton relationship, but women are buying memberships on the site because they don’t have to compete with the young, fresh-faced gals.  The guys who are buying memberships also seem to be looking for someone more mature than the average 20-something they meet online.  I never would have guessed it, but it looks to me like this is not a cougar site as much as a “No young girls allowed” site.  Which is very strange considering our society’s obsession with beauty and youth.  Keeping young women off of a dating site seems like keeping white men out of a country club.  Yet somehow, it still seems to work.  New cubs sign up every day.  Maybe some of them just want to bang desperate old broads, but most that I have talked to just seem like they put more value on conversation than on youth.  I will admit though, this observation is biased because I’m going by the people I have corresponded with.  And I have not responded to messages like, “Nice tits.” or “U R Hott”  Also, if a guy has a name like BigBallz69, I do not engage with them.  So these are my observations, but I am stepping over the low hanging fruit.  There’s plenty of fruit for the picking, too ladies!  I have not even had to go out “hunting” or proactively look through profiles, I’ve kept quite busy just reading the messages initiated by cubs with memberships. 

Most of the “about me” and profiles I have seen have statements like, “No bullshit” or “No games.”  I don’t get the impression they are all looking for sex either, they just seem to be genuinely trying to avoid the silly games that we all play when we’re young.  Which I think is pretty cool.  It’s not quite what the website promotes itself to be, but it still seems to be bringing people together who appreciate things that may be overlooked on a mainstream dating site. 

I think I’ll leave it there for now and keep you updated on my new life as an international cougar.

Glass chapels

Last week I shared a classic tale of woe about my dear friend CC exchanging numbers with a guy and not knowing what to do next.  I wish I could give you an update as to whether or not he called, but I haven’t heard and it would be counterintuitive to ask her, “Whatever happened to that guy I told you to forget all about?  You forgot about him until I just now brought it up?  Oh.  Sorry about that.” 

While I can not update you as to that situation, I can update you on the response I’ve received.  Surprisingly, I had a few people back me up on the “forget about him” advice.  Which is good because I had my doubts about that one.  I don’t know how to make a relationship work, I only know how to live a happy life.  It would seem that many people find the former to be of greater importance.  I don’t always know what to say to those people.

So, while CC was asking me for advice, I was second-guessing myself and asking others for advice on her behalf.  I can’t even tell you how many times the response I heard was, “Oh, I remember those days.  I’m so glad I’m married!”  Or, “Hearing that story makes me so glad I have [insert name of spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend here] and don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore.”  Someone gave me a look of complete contempt and said, “I don’t envy you single folks these days!”  These comments all were accompanied by varying levels of pity and sympathy.

This is the point when I start to get annoyed.  You do not have to worry about that stuff when you’re single.  It is a conscious choice, and in this example, CC chose to fret.  But believe it or not, it is possible to live a happy life without being in a romantic relationship.  After I heard the “So glad I’m married” response enough times, I felt like saying, “Aww, I’m so sorry you had to get married just to get a grip!  That’s a terrible solution to a temporary problem!!” or “I remember those days waiting by the phone, too.  But I didn’t do anything drastic like get married, I just had to stop giving a shit and let myself be happy.  It’s unfortunate that you had to commit the rest of your life to someone just to feel better about yourself.” 

I realize that I am exaggerating and not being entirely fair.  I can’t assume that everyone just settled.  Hopefully that wasn’t the only reason they decided to settle down.  But I heard it enough times that I began to consider what exactly people were saying.  A lot of single people are unhappy, I get that.  But there are two ways to stop feeling bad about being single.  One is to find someone and couple up and stop being single.  The other is to let yourself be happy, regardless of your marital status.  Personally I think the latter makes more sense.  If you can be happy on your own, you have a lot more to offer a potential life partner – should you find one you deem suitable. 

I’m sorry, but if you pour on the pity and pull your significant other closer at the thought of being single, you need to re-examine that situation.  Going out and dating can be challenging and emotionally draining, of course.  But no more so than maintaining a relationship.  Being single has challenges.  Relationships have challenges.  Many times those single people who are miserable and lonely eventually find relationships and still feel miserable and lonely.  Being married may save you from waiting by the phone for a potential suitor to call, but it does not equal automatic happiness and bliss.  No one thinks twice about saying, “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with being single anymore!”  I’m beginning to take offense.  I should get to follow it up with, “Yeah, but look at that hot mess you took to the altar.  You’re telling me that was worth it?!?”  Or maybe the next time someone tells me about a marital problem, I should say, “Wow!  I’m so glad I didn’t marry that guy.  Thanks for taking him out of the dating pool!”  Of course, I would never say these things because it’s rude and I would be completely out of line.  So why is it okay to sympathize with the poor single people, but we have to pretend that every marriage is happily ever after? 

 How about a truce?  Married folks: Stop feeling sorry for the single people and we singles won’t give you a hard time about those dreadful in-laws of yours!  Deal?