Mary needs to get the hell out of Bedford Falls

Over the weekend I happened to catch the ending to Frank Capra’s classic, It’s a Wonderful Life.  I haven’t watched this since I was a kid, and I can’t help but wonder if I would find it as charming today as I did back then.  Judging by the few moments I recently caught while flipping channels, my adult eyes see an entirely different message.  When Clarence shows George Bailey what the world would be like had he never lived, the pinnacle of horror and regret comes when he discovers the would-be fate of his dear wife, had he never been born to save her from such a horrible destiny as this. 

Really, Clarence?  This is the moment when you need to get roughed up to say, “You’re not gonna like it, George!”  This is the horrible news that is going to rip George’s heart out?  Nevermind that with no George Bailey in the world, his brother Harry would drown in childhood.  Furthermore, who gives a damn how many servicemen died without Harry Bailey the war hero to save them?!  Those are apparently small consequences.  It is saving Mary from the horrible fate of turning into an old maid librarian makes George Bailey want to be alive again.  Oh, the horrors! 

I realize this movie is from 1946, and a sign of its time.  I am not suggesting the story would be improved if hip librarian Mary Hatch lived in New York City and went shopping for Jimmy Choo shoes with three of her old maid friends.  There has been second and third waves of feminism since Frank Capra’s classic film.  I get that.  But that knowledge makes it no easier to watch the unspoken yet blatant message, “It’s better to be dead than to be a spinster librarian.”

Brief interviews with offensive actresses

I watched (well, listened to) television news as I readied myself for work this morning.  As I slipped on my black pumps,  Julianne Nicholson was interviewed about her new movie, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men.  

I am familiar with the book, but confess that I have never read it.  It was not until this morning that I realized the book was turned into a film.  For that matter, I had never before heard of Julianne Nicholson either, but as I listened to her speak about the film, I got pretty disgusted with her.  When asked about the point of the film, she said, “Men are not as decent as they may let you believe.”  while she explained,  ”I’m married to a wonderful man so I know that they exist.  But if I was single, I don’t know if this would be a very hopeful movie.” 

 Oh dear, what are we single girls to do?  I refrained from hurling myself out the window after learning that this actress may have married up the final remaining ”wonderful man.”

Her statements were offensive.  The actress explained that the title of the movie is literal, the plot centers on her character, who is interviewing men who behave hideously.  Perhaps Ms. Nicholson feels a responsibility to warn single women like myself,  that we may leave the theater with all hopes of ever finding a wonderful man dashed.  Maybe she envisions single women paying $10 for a movie ticket and a breakthrough - as they accept that they may have to settle for a loser like the ones depicted in the film.  Oh, so hopeless indeed!

Let me tell you something, sisters; and if you don’t know this already, you should: You do not, under any circumstances, have to settle for the guy who is missing an arm and uses sympathy to get women into bed.  Please do not listen to the inferences like the one I heard before I walked out the door this morning.  Yes, there are hideous men like the ones in this film.  Believe me, I have probably dated them all at one point or another.  Some hideous men are single, they may ask you out on a date.  Some of them are already married, they may ask you out too.  That does not mean that these losers are the only available future for single women.

Let me take issue with something else she said, just to prove my point.  Ms. Nicholson began her interview by saying, “Men are not as decent as they may let you believe.”  True statement.  But let’s be fair.  Women are not as tall as they let men believe.  Those shoes I was putting on before work add at least an inch to my 5’4″ frame!  Our breasts are not as big as we let men believe, our hips are not as small, our lips are not as red, and most of us (men and women) have probably had more sexual partners than we let each other believe. 

There are a lot of smoke and mirrors when it comes to courtship.  Men and women are both guilty of this.  While lying about a sexually transmitted disease does not match up to throwing on control-top pantyhose to cover your dimpled thighs, it would behoove all of us to take a good look at ourselves before we start man-bashing and losing all hope of one day finding companionship. 

Whatever happened to the old adage, “Better to be alone than in bad company”?  I encourage you to reject the idea that there are no wonderful men left, but I beg of you – do  not rule out the possibility that you may actually find happiness within yourself.  So the actress would not find the film “hopeful” if she was single.  What she doesn’t tell you is that if you pin your hopes on a man, you are setting yourself up for disappointment anyway.  Be happy with yourself, and if another person comes along that enriches your life, do what you can to keep that person in your life.  But don’t ever let people talk down to you because they are in a relationship and think everyone else should be too.  Not only is it offensive, but it’s not true.  Happiness comes from within, not from another person.